As a parent, it’s not always easy to know when your teen is going through a tough time, especially if they’re being bullied. Teens often try to hide their struggles out of fear, embarrassment, or a belief that they should handle things on their own. However, there are subtle (and not-so-subtle) signs that can help you recognise if your teen is being bullied. Below, we’ll dive deeper into these indicators, so you can better support your teen if they’re facing this challenge.

1. Emotional Changes

One of the first signs of bullying is a noticeable shift in your teen’s emotions. Teens who are being bullied often feel overwhelmed by anxiety, sadness, or anger. They may seem unusually irritable or moody, snap at small things, or cry easily. They might also withdraw emotionally, becoming more distant or quiet than usual.

If you notice that your typically happy teen seems more down or easily upset, especially without an obvious reason, this could be a red flag. Pay attention to any signs of emotional distress, as these can be early indicators of bullying. The emotional toll of bullying often leaves teens feeling helpless, which can lead to more serious mental health issues like depression or anxiety if left unaddressed.

2. Avoidance of Social Situations

If your teen starts avoiding activities they used to enjoy—like hanging out with friends, attending school events, or participating in extracurriculars—it could be a sign that they’re trying to avoid a bully. Bullying often happens in group settings, like schools, sports teams, or clubs, so it makes sense that teens may begin to withdraw from these environments if they feel unsafe.

For example, a teen who used to love going to school suddenly dreading it or pretending to be sick could be avoiding bullies. They may come up with excuses not to attend social gatherings or isolate themselves from their friend group. Pay attention to these behavioural changes, and consider gently asking if something specific is causing them to avoid these situations.

3. Physical Complaints

Stress from bullying often manifests in physical symptoms, such as frequent headaches, stomach aches, or unexplained pain. These physical complaints may seem to come out of nowhere and are often used by teens as an excuse to avoid school or social situations where they could encounter a bully.

If your teen frequently complains of feeling sick, especially on school mornings or before certain events, it could be their way of communicating that they feel unsafe or anxious. While it’s natural for teens to experience stress, persistent physical complaints could indicate a deeper issue, like bullying, especially if there’s no obvious medical cause.

4. Changes in Eating or Sleeping Patterns

Bullying can severely affect a teen’s mental and physical health, often disrupting their usual eating or sleeping habits. Your teen may have trouble falling asleep, experience nightmares, or oversleep as a way to escape the emotional distress caused by bullying. On the flip side, they might begin eating significantly more or less than usual.

Changes in appetite or sleep patterns can also be linked to anxiety or depression, common outcomes of prolonged bullying. Pay attention to whether your teen is having trouble sleeping, overeating, or skipping meals, as these could be their way of coping with stress or emotional pain.

5. Unexplained Injuries or Lost Items

Bullying isn’t always emotional or verbal—it can also be physical. If your teen comes home with unexplained cuts, bruises, or other injuries and can’t (or won’t) explain how they happened, this could be a sign that they’re being physically bullied. Similarly, if their belongings (like their phone, backpack, or clothes) frequently get damaged or go missing, it could be because a bully is taking or destroying them.

Physical bullying can be harder to talk about for teens, as it can make them feel vulnerable or ashamed. Keep an eye out for any injuries your teen tries to hide or brush off, and don’t hesitate to ask questions in a supportive, non-judgmental way.

6. Drop in Academic Performance

Bullying can take a toll on your teen’s ability to concentrate and perform well in school. The stress and anxiety caused by bullying can make it hard for teens to focus in class, complete homework, or study for tests. You might notice their grades slipping or hear from teachers that your teen seems distracted or unengaged.

If your teen was once a motivated student and their grades have suddenly dropped, or they’ve lost interest in school, it’s worth exploring whether bullying is playing a role. The emotional exhaustion that comes from dealing with bullying can lead to decreased motivation and a lack of focus, making it difficult for teens to keep up with schoolwork.

7. Isolation and Withdrawal

If your teen is suddenly spending a lot of time alone, it could be because they’re trying to cope with the emotional fallout from being bullied. Teens who are being bullied often withdraw from family and friends, preferring to spend time alone rather than interact with others. They may avoid family activities, hide out in their room, or disengage from conversations at home.

This withdrawal can be a coping mechanism, allowing them to avoid having to explain what’s going on or relive painful experiences. If you notice your teen becoming more isolated, make sure to check in with them and offer a safe space for them to talk.

8. Changes in Technology Use

In today’s digital world, bullying often extends beyond the classroom and into social media or online platforms. If your teen is being cyberbullied, you might notice changes in how they use their phone or computer. They might become anxious when they receive notifications, avoid their phone altogether, or become more secretive about their online activity.

Teens may also start deleting social media accounts or blocking people more frequently if they’re being harassed online. Cyberbullying can be just as harmful as in-person bullying, leading to the same emotional and psychological distress. Pay attention to your teen’s online behaviour and any sudden changes in how they use technology.

How to Approach Your Teen

If you suspect your teen is being bullied, it’s important to approach the situation with care. Teens may be reluctant to open up about bullying because they feel embarrassed, scared, or unsure of how to talk about it. Let them know that you’re there for them and that they can talk to you without judgment.

You can start the conversation by sharing your observations: “I’ve noticed that you’ve seemed a little down lately, and I just wanted to check in. Is everything okay at school?” Open-ended questions like this can encourage your teen to talk about what’s going on, and let them know that they’re not alone in dealing with these feelings.

If your teen isn’t ready to talk, that’s okay. Let them know that you’re available whenever they’re ready, and consider suggesting tools like Youthority (released soon) to help them feel safer in difficult situations. Youthority gives them the power to discreetly seek help without the fear of being targeted by the bully, helping them regain control and confidence in their safety.

Bullying is a serious issue, but with the right support, your teen can overcome it and build resilience. By staying attentive to these signs, you can help them feel heard, supported, and empowered to navigate the challenges they face. 

In our next blog, we will give you practical steps to take after discovering your teen is being bullied.